I can get comfortable with problems. Like the stone in my shoe I just learn to walk with. I contort my being in insane manners of tolerance and suffering to just keep limping forward.
I’m changing this.
I am sharpening my discipline. It’s a practice. It’s not my comfort zone. It is changing my life in the ways I need.
Before having children I had a regular yoga and meditation practice. I leaned into a deep pranayama practice that was greatly transformative.
It’s taken me 6 years of limping along with kids, putting them first all the time to finally recognize I am not serving us. For me to steer our ship, I need to be in better shape, better mind set and heart space.
I looked around and saw how far away I was from all the tools. I felt like it was impossible to create change. I felt like it was all too much and I couldn’t. I can’t. ‘I can’t do it’ became my unconscious mantra.
I tugged on the small thread of discipline and pulled and pulled and pulled until it became a hearty braid, and eventually a rope. I tugged until I was upright and engaged and making boundaries and taking care of me.
There’s a reason we are supposed to put our masks on first on the airplane. If I can’t breathe, I can’t teach my children to, I am showing them how to struggle and sacrifice without purpose.
So every day I do something for me.
I have been focusing on the speech in my head to be kinder, and then the language I use with my children grows more compassionate.
Little steps every day are accumulating and I’m feeling competent, able to guide our family in a good way.
This is one of the tools. Breathe deep and invoke the remembrance of fluidity and body centered awareness.
Grateful.
Grateful.
Grateful.
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